Monthly Archive for January, 2006

they’ll name a city after us;

Consider this posted in honour of Bob-a-Rob, whose media messaging is, quite frankly, a bit shit.

A good weekend, somewhat marred by my laptop going POP! again. At first I thought the sum of my worries was that, having accidentally wiped my iPod, I’d be music-less in the mornings until it got fixed. I’ve just realised, however, that there are some very precious and completely irreplaceable photos on there (although it looks as though I’ve uploaded the ones in question to Flickr, so it won’t be the end of the world). Tyler has been keeping me calm all morning – because I’m actually really upset about it – and suggests I do a “repair” reinstall of Windows which should, if it works – and he hasn’t had much luck in the past – restore my settings without wiping my hard drive. Fingers crossed for me, eh?

Will and I are going out for a celebratory meal tonight in honour of him landing a traineeship, so I hope to have cheered up by then. Although the news that The Lone Gunmen, the hillarious (well, I thought so) X-Files spinoff is out on DVD today has helped my mood a little.

The queues at all the nicer dinner places were massive on Saturday night, so Neil-bear and I ended up going to Pizza Hut instead. We were going for the infamous £15.99 deal, but there was some problem with our starters and the very lovely waitress might have overcompensated slightly in making it up to us. We ended up with two starters, two lots of cheesy bread, two plates of salad, a large pizza, four drinks and a chocolate Fundoo all for under a tenner. Needless to say we were so full we spent most of the movie making comedy groaning noises. Jarhead is great by the way, definitely not a girlie movie but go see it. You won’t even want to punch Jake Gyllenhaal. Much.

the view from the afternoon;

The world is in flames. The Liberal Democrat party is imploding. There is war and pestilence and disease in the world. Why are we talking on national radio for 10 minutes about me, for charity, pretending to be a cat?

George Galloway, Radio 4, post-Big Brother eviction

And, just like that, he was my hero again. I guess you never want to see the inner workings of those you admire and respect in public life under the spotlight as they are on reality television – nobody’s going to come out looking particularly dazzling and some less so than most. I still disagree with him doing it in the first place, but please say the rumours aren’t true.

I love E4. The evicition show repeat came on just as I woke up with a hangover and a packet of Oreo cookies.

It was so much ridiculous fun to gawth myself up last night for My Ruin in honour of the woman who, when I was but seventeen, helped me to come to terms with the fact that I Like Girls Sometimes; in corset, tiara, red lipstick and that kickass new mascara and Charity Gavin’s boss asked me if I was a princess. The gig itself was fantastic even if girlie rap-metal isn’t really my scene any more and the divine Tairrie was on excellent form, screaming her lungs out even with a cold (“if any of you go home with a cough,” she drawled, “just say you got it from Miss B”).

Obligatory grainy camera phone pictures:


I have to confess to making a complete idiot of myself when Claire and I went to meet her after the show. It’s funny how that happens – I’ve chatted away to Jesse Malin and Ryan Adams and Nicky Wire and Alex Kapranos and whoever else, people who mean so much more to me at this stage in my life, and while I daresay I wasn’t at my most eloquent I never completely dissolved the way I have done meeting my teenage heroes long after the event (see also the bursting-into-tears-in-front-of-Elizabeth-Wurtzel incident, some LiveJournal or other). “Beauty Fiend” was as much a hymn for the disenfranchised teen as ever last night. I guess, for a few minutes, I was that girl again.

Neil-bear, Sandra and some of her crowd (including one guy I had never met before who was so drunk I doubt he’d even remember the night) showed up later on; as did my inebriated little brother who pinched my pink neckscarf and danced with me to the Libertines, pretending to play the harmonica part on his Mayfair Superking. It was an excellent night, although I’m suffering for my uncomfortable choices in clothing and accessories today and never made it into town to pick up my Strokes ticket from the post office or upgrade my laptop memory as I had planned. Neil-bear are going for dinner and to see Jarhead in a bit and I may get dressed up again, I’ll see how I feel after I’ve had a shower.

Poynter makes the interesting comment that in a few years’ time, everybody running for public office will probably have an old MySpace profile or LiveJournal from which muck can be raked during political campaigns. I can vouch for this as throwaway remarks on my own profile were brought up jokingly at my second interview for the job I’m in now and while it was funny at the time and was never going to affect my chances, it’s certainly something to bear in mind when you’re typing crap up in cyberspace – you may think you know who’s reading, but can you say the same in twenty year’s time when you’ve forgotten the page even exists?

The Euro 2008 draw (I was too busy at work to comment on this yesterday). “England have been handed a favourable draw,” crows the BBC, barely concealling their smugness. Scotland, on the other hand, are gloriously fucked. Though I suppose we always are.

PS Get your 2005 mixes while you can – they’re coming down on Wednesday.

the day you move i’m probably going to explode;

What I have bought myself recently:

- A SUIT. A PROPER, GROWN UP SUIT;
- a badge. It says “RYAN ADAMS IS GOD”;
- a fuzzy black jumper with a cowl neck and hippy sleeves you could drown in;
- a pretty skirt from Monsoon, to make up for the fact that the uber-boobs prevented me from buying anything else in the sales;
- a ticket for We Are Scientists in April;
- a cucumber face peel (since used);
- lipstick;
- CDs: All Saints’ greatest hits for £2.99, the Kooks’ single, and a little catch-up on play.com to celebrate the first payday of the year: Arctic Monkeys, The “Fucking” Strokes and Foo Fighters;
- a photo-holder out of Urban Outfitters for £1.99, it looks like a wire flower and I’ve got in by my bed with a bunch of upcoming gig tickets stuffed in it;
- that new Rimmel mascara. OH KATE IF I WAS AN ESKIMO I WOULD BUY ICE FROM YOU EVERY DAY JUST TO SEE YOUR PRETTY FACE SO I WOULD;

Ahh, worldly possessions. Count on them to make up for the fact I have absolutely nothing I particularly want to talk about.

whale-watching;

MARRIED ANDY: This fucking whale is getting on my tits. Should I pen a charity single?
ME: You could, but a comedy cover with Peter Kay in the video would take much less effort, and work just as well.
MARRIED ANDY: I’m going to write to Channel 4 and suggest that they put the beast on Big Brother.

you’re no rock ‘n’ roll fun;

Wednesday was my godson Ryan’s first birthday. I’m resisting the urge to insert some cliched they-grow-up-so-fast comment here, but you should have seen him when he toddled over to get his present.

Mind you, it was all he could do to get his new toys off Buffy and James:

There was cake as well, but I’m not really in the mood for talking about food as I spent yesterday in my bed violently ill, shivering and throwing up at half-hourly intervals. I’m not saying it’s anything to do with the cake, but you never know. I’ve had nothing but two slices of toast in the past twenty-four hours and given how much I normally eat you might be able to see why I’m a bit narky today. But, as Amber says, you can’t beat a good soup (tomato and vegetable, with two buttered rolls since I’m that much of a starver).

Dinner with Neil-bear is also necessarily cancelled, so we’re going to see that new Steve Coogan film instead (it looks pretty funny, it has Gillian Anderson in it even if she’s in Lily Bart mode rather than Scully mode, it’ll do).


Everybody’s at the eating thing but me. It’s so unfair.

Still. It wasn’t a complete waste of a day.

Every office in the country is talking about what they’re going to do with the £85m they’re going to win in the EuroMillions tonight, aren’t they? It’s not just us?!

PS HOFF LOVE.

PPS Hoff hate?

do i smell the rotting stench of self-esteem?!;

That was a weekend like all weekends should be. Lots of fun stuff, and still time for two lie-ins.

Met Ange for a drink after work on Friday night, although worryingly it was all either of us could do to stay awake (not a testament to the company, I’m sure). The Ark’s video jukebox is getting better – they even played Cherryfalls at some point – so we just dozed in front of that for a bit.

ME (on Franz Ferdinand’s “Walk Away” video): Oh my God. It’s like they’re dying to be the Foo Fighters, but art school sucked out thir sense of humour.

(As if psychic, the next song up is “D.O.A.” – basically a video rehash, but without that painful sense of irony. And with more canaries.)

ME: See? SEE?!

I see no point in scripting Ange’s shut-the-fuck-up-Pixie silences. But I convinced him to get a McDonalds on the way home (after enduring no end of mockery for my bacon cheeseburger fixation) so it’s all good.

I won’t pass comment on the rest of the evening, suffice to say George Galloway is never going to work again, is he? Saturday would have been even more fun had I managed to track down a phone-less Jules (you don’t realise how big the city is until you’re trying to find somebody, although you can always count on running into people when you least expect it). I had fun shopping on my own regardless, picking up the following in the sales:

- a teeny black lacy and not-entirely-unGAWTH dress unlike anything I have ever owned or worn from Morgan. And perhaps I never will wear it. But hey, it had 70% off;
- a brown woollen shrug from Republic (£5);
- two… scarves, I think, although I’ve been wearing them tied round my waist ’cause I’m “boho” like that. One’s blue and cream stripey, and one’s pink with silver thread through it, and I got them both for a fiver;
- a new bra from Bravissimo. Which was not in the sale, but was still very necessary. The uber-boobs are now a 32E. “I’ve got a friend that size who got a reduction on the NHS,” said my Rob.

I meant to stay in on Saturday night but ended up going through to Cumbernauld for a family gathering for my cousin’s 21st birthday. I’m so far behind with Casualty I could even tell you who’s still in it, but as the last thing I remember is Abs doing the Full Monty that’s probably a good thing. Anyway it was a fantastic night, I keep forgetting the entire clan are the best fun in the world. Mad as anything obviously, but brand new every one of them. And my uncle Boab mixes the best ever G&T.

I’d half-intended to spend a day at the cinema over the weekend (which is something I do every so often since I keep forgetting I have a UGC card/evening showings tend to be 5pm or 8pm; which is useless if you finish at 5.30); but instead killed a few hours before meeting Fi seeing The Producers. I’ve seen neither the original movie nor the musical, but the impression I got was of a musical directly transported onto the big screen without any major rewrites. And it worked, if you like that sort of thing. Certainly I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face. I doubt the hugeness of musical acting – lots of BIG gestures and BIG facial expressions and LOUD voices and BIG set pieces – would be to everybody’s taste though.

The lights were out at King Tuts, and indeed on most of the street, by the time I met Fi and her mammy (the original Sheena what the Ramones sang about, don’tcherknow). Cue lots of standing about in the dark and an aborted acoustic set in the bar – before we headed outside to witness Ok Go play St Vincent Street.

And it was all going so well until the police showed up…

At which point the boys performed an impressive piece of choreography to an a cappella “Million Ways” in the rain. And I still had time for a bag of chips before making the last train home.

(I apologise for the crappiness of the camera phone pics. But hey, nobody’s offering me T in the Park press passes ;)

*edit* Fi’s piece from Drowned in Sound. I totally have the coolest friends.

All this, and I managed to find the time to shrink my new mittens in the tumble drier. Remind me never to buy an adult size “because I’m sure they’ll do” again. I reckon they could still use another spin. Or twelve.

And the happy doesn’t stop there – Jackie just texted me to let me know that Sleater-Kinney have rescheduled their Oran Mor date of last year to May 31st! Which date should have been my birthday funnily enough, and it’s totally going to feel like it this year.

It’s cold. I have soup. Adios.

what i say and what i mean;

I bought the NME.

Oh, don’t look at me like that. If you’d seen who was on the cover (looking “a bit like Shaun Ryder before he got really fat”, according to Susan), you would have bought it too. The magazine reads just the same as always – it’s like I’ve never been away; them bigging up a bunch of “hot new bands” you already decided were shit six months ago only at a cover price hike of about 75p. At least The Like get a paragraph in their 2006 preview, and I suppose The Long Blondes look good – whether they sound good is another thing (the name sounds fairly familiar, and that link is there as much for my reference as yours).

DEAR CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE. YOU SUCKED WHEN I FIRST HEARD YOU, YOU SUCKED WHEN THE BUZZ ABOUT YOU TOOK OFF AND I THOUGHT I’D GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE, AND YOU WILL STILL SUCK WHEN EVERYBODY ABANDONS YOU IN FAVOUR OF THE NEXT EPTIOME OF INDIE COOL.

And I don’t get what the free giant Arctic Monkeys poster is all about. Sure, they’re good, but they hardly strike me as the type of band you’d want to pin to your bedroom wall…

More gig tickets bought last night – let that be a lesson to all: always open your emails from Ticketmaster even if the subject header is Don’t miss James Blunt. Jenny Lewis in February, plus I get to see Help! She Can’t Swim after all!

From Kez: The Times’ Big Brother blog. It’s quite entertaining, especially since it’s so obviously written for all those pseudo-intellectuals who swear to God they don’t watch that shite.

I’m waiting on one last advert before I can sign off the magazine, and am being entertained by the work’s over-enthusiastic spam filter: today’s blocks include a Burns Supper menu featuring cock-a-leekie soup and an email relating to a seminar on sexual discrimination legislation. They still let all the online pharmacies through though. I woke up at six o’clock this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, and my eyes feel like a couple of cigarette burns. I don’t know if getting by on Neurofen and wine gums is working. I wonder if it’s too late to get out of going to the pub tonight.

The new Regina Spektor compilation looks like it’ll be a good introduction for those not already aware of her quirky genius. Just sayin’.

Office Attachments has an 80s film quiz. I’m not playing as I’m actually having a productive afternoon (plus, there’s still The Friday Thing to read! all of which is just one big excuse for the fact that my 80s film knowledge is non-existent) but that’s not to say you can’t.

Um. OMG?

Any Terrorist who is caught in Minnesota while I am Governor, will find out what the true meaning of my nickname ‘The Impaler’ means. Right in front of our State Capital. Then Feds can take the terrorist’s body from the impaling stake. If the US Department of Justice (DOJ) wants to charge me with brutally murdering a terrorist, they may do so. I do not see an American Jury convicting me.

Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, a ‘Satanic Dark
Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch’, plans to run for the US presidency in 2008. Still, beats the hell outta Arnie.

Mailwatch has a competition to find the best mail and Express front pages of the year. There are some right classics there. lock up your young!

PS Awww.

i’m going to try defying speedlimits;

Why my sister is the greatest thing in the world – who else would text me in the middle of the afternoon to ask me out on a “romantic drive”? So she picked me up in the Chamobile:


This shot is actually barely representative of the pinkness of the interior of my sister’s car, cutting off as it does the pink fluffy seat covers, the second set of furry dice and the “Princess on Board” sign in the back window.

and we headed off to… wherever. Only we didn’t get very far, because driving in the dark is SCARY. So we stopped off at the pub our dad used to take us to on Sunday afternoons, only it’s had a complete facelift and is now this classy-looking country hotel and doesn’t have a Fun Factory anymore. Or a Spot the Difference machine. Then we drove home singing along to the Wicked soundtrack, and she went Idina and I got to go Kristin and it was all very good.

The original plan was to get munchies too, but since Will and I had had the Feed the Family deal – between the two of us – at Pizza Hut earlier on, there was no way in hell that was going to happen.

Will’s in a good mood these days now I have finally conceded that the Tories are going to win the next election (I’d say god save us, but it’s not like anybody’s going to notice the diffence). Still, the more satirically-minded among us need not despair that the Tories are starting to get their shit together when there’s a new sport on the horizon: Liberal-bating! From this week’s Backbencher:

Sir Menzies got up and asked his second question, as he’s entitled to do, but unfortunately had an accident. Why, in that case, he said, are one in five schools without a permanent headteacher Great Labour roars of ‘Neither do you have one!’ and jeers and cries of ‘More!’ and awful things like that. Poor old Ming had to say, well, I knew it was going to be one of those days. Tony Blair was comparatively kind to him and said there was a problem with getting leaders, especially for failing organisations – more ironical cheers from the Labour party – and then said he was in favour of greater devolution of powers to local people and more choice and he hoped the Lib Dems would support it.

We thought that was the end of it, but a few minutes later who should pop up but – yes – Simon Hughes, whom we expect to declare for the leadership. Mr Hughes bobbed up – more ironical cheers – and said, if the NHS is doing so well, why do people in Oxfordshire have to pay GBP10,000 to have private operations? Mr Blair congratulated him on whatever office he holds – he couldn’t quite remember (actually Mr Hughes is the Lib Dem president) – and said that, every time we promote choice, which helps to improve the NHS, giving patients more choice between hosptials, you lot oppose it. Simon Hughes shook his head, and Mr Blair said, ‘Oh really, a u-turn, eh? If he’s going to start backing our reform policies, perhaps I’ll back him instead of the other one’.

All of which goes to show why politics is much better entertainment than the series finale of Lost.

The worst thing about working in an office full of women? We seem to spend a helluva long time discussing childbirth, particularly when the boys are out to lunch. I’m currently only waiting on two advertisements for the next magazine, so it’s looking a lot more likely that I might be able to sign this thing off tomorrow after all. Which does wonders for my blood pressure.

If all else fails, Top Gear are looking for directors and producers according to my latest email from the BBC, haha.

PSHaw, when’s your Dolmio day?

waiting for my rocket to come;

Even though there’s a lot going on and you’re running around like a mad thing, it’s all good. And at some point today, you hit on a major realisation. Could even be that the cute body in IT has a crush on you.

Er. Not when you work in such a small office, Metroscope.

It may not be the coolest leisure activity of all time, but for quite a while now I’ve been going to Tuesday night bingo with my friend Buffy. It’s actually a hell of a lot more fun than you’re probably telling yourself right now, oh reader, especially considering we’ve gotten all of our friends involved now and there’s usually a good crowd goes along for a couple of drinks and a laugh. Well, a quiet laugh: the disturbing thing about bingo is the seriousness with which some of the players take it. Whisper a snide comment a little too loudly and you’ll get such a glower from the caller, stifle a giggle and you might even get a telling off from the stage. Stu, my sister’s boyfriend, takes the whole thing incredibly seriously, focusing on his numbers with a furrowed brow and a level of concentration that could almost burn through the paper.

In all the time that I’ve been going, I’ve never won a penny. So last night, when I was waiting on the number 37, I was totally unsurprised when somebody called a full house on 7. And I’d had a couple of gins, so I took great delight in ripping my card in half in frustration.

It just had to be a false call, didn’t it? And the next number out was 37! Luckily they let me away with it, so I got to split the prize of £95.16 with one of the sour-faced typical bingo crowd (who went on to win £100 in the next game, so you’d think it would have been fair just to let me have it all). Plus we (Cha, Leanne and Stu) had already agreed to split anybody’s winnings between the four of us. Still, £12.04 profit from a night out is better than a kick in the teeth.

Anyway, I would like to stress that I took home just over a tenner – basically, just enough so that I don’t have to make a depressing visit to the cash machine before I meet Will tonight. I’ve been whining a lot of late that it’s about time something really, really nice happened to me, and I don’t want whatever cosmic power oversees these things to think that a wee win on the bingo is going to shut me up.

It’s somewhat typical that Copa rehearsals start every Tuesday night from next week, just as my luck comes in.

There’s apparently an article in today’s Scotsman that looks pretty interesting: unfortunately you can’t access it on the Web as only the Scotsman’s most basic news content is available for free now, and even then I think you have to register to read it. In “Could Shakespeare and Saddam co-exist in class?” Gordon Liddell and Rick Instrell argue that English as it is traditionally taught should be combined with the vague concept of “Media Studies” that so many schools have brought in in recent years. Personally, if anybody threatened the study of literature in schools you’d probably find me on a protest march outside the Scottish Parliament since hell knows kids aren’t reading nearly enough as it is, but there’s a lot to be said for the idea that Media Studies should be recreated as an option to encourage kids to get involved in debate about contemporary issues on a meaningful basis, and not just as a “catch-all” for those who don’t want to study History or Geography.

(Indeed, I reckon such a subject should encompass aspects of both: can you talk about any current war properly without bringing in a discussion of what should be lessons learned from history? how can you study Geography in action without acknowledging the humanitarian crises that are a direct consequence of the tsunamis and earthquakes of late?)

From Pitchfork: Ted Leo to write soundtrack for a musical. Lloyd Webber watch out… (the man’s only written one decent soundtrack in his life anyway).

Scroll further up and you’ll see that details for the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album have been finalised – Show Your Bones will be released 27th March (28th US). Karen O:

Show Your Bones is what happens when you put your finger in a light socket…maybe there is some of that electric current flowing through the tracks of our album illuminating us from the inside out for you to laugh at and cry to or fry to. Or not.

you never ask questions with god on your side;

Second morning in a row my iPod has selected “Wonderwall” (greatest song of our generation: discuss) to get me into work.

Professor Richard Dawkins of the University of Oxford got religion alright, and that religion is atheism. The first part of The Root of all Evil started with a candlelit procession in Lourdes. “It’s all very pretty,” said our presenter, “but isn’t this the start of a slippery slope that leads to young men with rucksacks on the tube?”

If anything let down a programme on a topic of massive importance to an agnostic in a Catholic household, it was Dawkins. He came across as one man on a soapbox, so firm in his belief in the wrongness of religion that he forgot about the importance of balance; asking these sweet little old ladies what they were getting out of the Lourdes experience in this condescending tone and devoting most of his interview time to born-again anti-evolution theory Christians and to that ridiculous figure of an American Jew – I forget his name, but I’ve seen him on television before – who has reinvented himself as the face of fundamentalist Islam.

I didn’t actually learn anything that I didn’t already know, or believe. I wasn’t expecting to. What I was hoping for was a bit of intelligent debate, and in that I found myself sorely disappointed. What can I say? I found myself getting so annoyed at the presenter’s “intellectual arrogance” that I missed most of the first half-hour in favour of having a good cry at Dennis’ funeral on BBC1.

Yes, I believe that the most dangerous people in the world are those of strong faith who know as if by some divine telling that they are right and who are not amenable to discussion or argument, but I don’t think you can mark out all “religion” as pure evil. I know so many people whose belief in some sort of higher being is sometimes the only thing that gets them through the day, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t envy them at times. I think I can categorically say I will never be able to abandon my rationality in favour of complete abandonment to faith, but that’s not to say that it wouldn’t make my existence a hell of a lot less lonely than it has seemed of late. You simply can’t lump that in there with the fundamentalism that has been blamed for so many recent atrocities; which I think is as much a product of society and upbringing and foreign policy and community and possibly even a screw or two loose in certain people’s heads than it is about religion.

I wonder if CM reads this. I’d love to know what you thought.

Anyway, I was talking about the programme on the way home with Gavin, who is… something like a friend; he’s one of the canvassers you meet on Buchanan Street signing people up for direct debits for various charities. I know so many people view them as a nuisance, but I will categorically say that the people I have taken the time to speak to in the past have all been these wonderfully bright, passionate, articulate people with a genuine belief in the cause they are trying to win your support for. Gav is an amazing person, and I would willingly talk to him for hours in the pouring rain about human rights if he didn’t have to work and I didn’t want my tea. We got to talking about the future of the Liberal Democrats as well, and the terrible opportunity that was missed in them not taking advantage of the fact that so many people of our generation are desperate for a genuine alternative party to vote for – I’m not necessarily talking about an anti-war stance, although if any issue ever politicised our apathetic generation it was that one, but about how they could have used the opportunity to put themselves forward as a party with a genuine social conscience, representing the interests of a people who know that something has to change. I love Sir Menzies Campbell, but he’s hardly a charismatic David Cameron (and honestly, the man who can convince my little brother to use his right to vote deserves to be where he is, even if he is Conservative. The Tories may be a laughing stock, but at least they have the good grace not to pretend to be something they’re not – unlike a certain other major political party I could mention).

I had a point and that point was this – both Gav and I are of the opinion that George Galloway has missed out on a major political coup by sitting on his bum in the Big Brother house when he could be running for leader of the Liberal Democrats and create the stushie that British politics so desparately needs. And yes, I know it’s more complicated than that and there’s the whole question of him not actually being eligible as he’s not a Party member to consider. In a world of dreams though, how cool would that be?!

(This quiz is a rare – for MSN – stroke of genius.)

“You can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink; you can take a whore to culture but you can’t make her think” – Pete Burns on Jodie Marsh. It’s a shame on the rest of them really that the prettiest girl in there isn’t a girl at all.

Chantelle to win though. She’s so adoreably ridiculous she deserves to be famous for five minutes.

PS What would Jesus blog?

PPS Anybody good at graphics out there who would like a wee magazine commission? Let me know…