
I went bowling with a couple of workmates on Friday night and couldn’t resist sharing this photo Lynn snapped of me celebrating my collosal failure to even hit the pins (if you look closely you can see the bright green ball trundling merrily along the gutter). I think I managed a magnificent total of about 55. Eat your heart out, President Obama.
What can I say? It’s a lot harder than it looks on the Wii.
Thankfully, one thing that’s much easier in real life than on the Wii is driving. Well, most of the time: I base this on the fact that I finally bought Mario Kart yesterday, and although I can manage the courses much easier on an old Game Cube controller than the Wii Wheel I’ve had a go on at parties I’m glad that the sudden rollercoaster-like dips, ink splotches and my worrying tendency to fall off the edge of bridges aren’t a common feature of my Thursday night lessons. I’m progressing fairly well I think: while the four years of lessons I’ve already got under my belt certainly give me a head start, I think I deserve to be proud of the fact that only four lessons in I’ve already carried off two maneouvers.
My instructor is great. His name is Bob, and he is really chatty and says that I’m far from the worst pupil he’s ever had. He also takes the piss out of me mercilessly, and because I know what I’m like I’ve told him that he’s not to let me try to get out of things that he knows I’m capable of doing. Because of that, I’ve driven home since my second lesson. On my third, after having practiced an emergency stop (“I won’t ask you to do that again,” said Bob, mimicking what you’ve told on an actual driving test), I pulled off a perfect one right on Paisley Road West when five kids ran straight out in front of me. Not a hint of nerves, and if you know how terrified I used to get behind the wheel (once even during a test itself) you’d be as proud of me as I feel.
My driving style isn’t instinctive yet, by any means – sometimes I let myself get soothed by my instructor’s voice, to the point that I worry that I’m incapable of thinking for myself behind the wheel. Still, it’s early days. Last week Bob asked me to pull over by the side of the road, and when I stopped he asked me if I had seen Annie Hall or if I was too young.
“Yeeeeees… it’s one of my favourite movies,” I replied as a niggling feeling of dread began to creep up my spine.
And with that, he slowly opened the passenger door to reveal that I was parked about a foot from the pavement. “It’s okay, I’ll walk to the kerb,” he said.
I’m currently on the sofa with my laptop and a stomachache, which I hope wasn’t the result of last night’s birthday dinner for my brother. I googled my various symptoms, and it turns out I either have some kind of gastro thing or the Hanta virus. Too tired to shake it off anyway after somebody in the close thought they’d throw a party on Saturday night – the weirdest thing was, all was quiet when we went to bed (at about 2am) and their music was fucking shite. Please, someone point me to this post when I undoubtedly start to worry what the neighbours might be thinking during my birthday party. Just because everybody here is older than us doesn’t mean they’re more respectable!



















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