cake dates: rock n roll afternoon teas at malmaison;

In which your blogger attempts, at great inconvenience, to sample every commercially-available dessert in the Greater Glasgow area so you don’t have to.

In perhaps the ultimate of first world problems, one of my closest friends in Glasgow has a birthday which falls very close to that of my bezzer – who, in case you have not been paying attention over the past however many years, lives in London. This means I am pretty unlikely to be able to spend time with both. How, then, to make it up to Jehane – a friend so loyal that she’ll even, well, you know, for the entertainment of the readers of this blog? With a very special afternoon tea indeed!

When it comes to hotels I’m generally happy enough with a place that’s relatively quiet, has a comfortable bed and is cleaner than my own home. However I do have a soft spot for the Glasgow Mal, a former Episcopal church turned boutique hotel in the centre of Glasgow. It’s where we spent our wedding night (shut up), and I got treated to an overnight stay and a raid of the minibar a few weeks ago. Same petticoat and everything, although it wasn’t intentional. Anyway, while there my eyes were immediately drawn to the flyer (PDF) at the counter promoting the hotel’s “rock n roll afternoon tea”.

Well. If it wasn’t the name it would have been the promise of “cocktail inspired cupcakes” and a “retro vinyl cake stand” (pictured above, because you sure as hell weren’t visiting this post to read about me eating sandwiches). A special birthday? The perfect excuse!

And man, those cupcakes did not disappoint.

First of all a big thank you to the staff at the Mal, who despite having made sure our food was all ready for our booking then went and re-made our bottom tier’s worth of finger sandwiches when I told them that, actually, if it’s got mayonnaise on it I’m not going to touch it. One’s stomach requires a lining for tackling the hotel’s cupcake creations, although I’m pretty sure they’re not actually alcoholic. At least, that’s what I told my driving instructor.

Now contrary to the flyer we were served with one cupcake apiece: in cosmopolitan and mojito flavours, which of course we split. The tangy, buttery frosting on the perfectly baked mojito variety was very special indeed and although the cosmopolitan was a little sickly, we weren’t complaining. I have to say that for the price the “homemade scones” weren’t the best – I’d like to think it wasn’t because our booking was for a Sunday morning; it may just be that I’ve been spoiled rotten by the fluffy delicacies at the Liberty Tearoom.

The bill came to around thirty quid between us – a little more expensive than for afternoon tea at Cup, which provided Sarah’s birthday treat about a month or so back. For quality and quantity of food Cup probably nails it (both Sarah and I ended up taking a box home after our visit, while what we got at the Mal was the perfect amount to dawdle over); but you can’t really replicate the Mal experience anywhere else.

LOCATION: 278 West George St, G2 4LL
OPEN: Teas served 12:30-5pm daily
WEB: Glasgow Mal